This will be easy, I thought.
I suddenly became very interested in what it truly meant to be honest and the effects of both honesty and dishonesty on society. Having been raised in a Christian home, honesty was always made paramount in the pantheon of virtues; my parents expected it, and I expected it in return from them. So, I Googled quotes and articles about honesty and thought of questions like "When would it be acceptable to lie? If someone asked you a personal question that you didn't want to answer? If the reputation of a friend were at stake? If I were housing a Jew in my home and the Nazi's knocked on my door???" and I discovered something. These were important ethical questions and dilemmas to be sure, but one can't always dwell on "what-if" scenarios. Shouldn't there be a way to eliminate these grey areas with a definitive boundary, and yet not allow myself to become as militant as Spock in my sense of duty to virtue alone?
The best quote that I could find on the subject was from a wise man named Gordon Hinckley who simply stated that "Some may regard the quality of character known as honesty to be a most ordinary subject. But I believe it to be the very essence of [our progression]. Without honesty, our lives and the fabric of our society will disintegrate into ugliness and chaos."
Then I thought of something even more important: Am I honest with myself?
Many times in my adult life I've given my dad an update about how things are going and what my future goals and plans are. On one such occasion, I told him that I was confused that I felt unhappy even though I was trying to be completely honest with everyone around me, living as an open book. He responded with a question that has stuck with me forever: "yes, but are you being completely honest with yourself?" I immediately became defensive and told him that of course I was! I was practically transparent!
Then I got to thinking about it: didn't I say negative things about myself in my head and to others frequently? Didn't I procrastinate and put off the most important things and not always use my time as productively as possible? Didn't I frequently tell myself that I was entitled to and deserved just one more unhealthy item of food, spending more money on just one more thing that I really didn't need, just one more hour of Netflix on the couch, just one more late night or just one more day of sleeping in?
I realized that I was afraid of alone time. I wasn't comfortable with myself. I was so afraid of what others thought of me and trying to maintain a reputation, an outward appearance, that I didn't even give myself enough time to focus on whether I was truly happy with myself.
I came to the understanding that even more important than honesty to others is honesty to oneself, and that if you do the latter than the former will follow. I don't think that my professor knew what he was starting, but over the past few months I've committed myself to living a life of complete honesty where I find confidence in myself, with others, and with God, or whatever higher power you may ascribe to.
Now forgive me as this turns a bit sentimental, but think to yourself what the world would be like if everyone was completely honest with others and themselves? Obviously the only person that we each have control over in this pursuit is ourselves, but that's exactly what I'm proposing and committing myself to. The documentation of this journey will be recorded here, and maybe some of you will feel so inclined to join me and tell me of your own experiences in living a life of transparency.
I was sitting in a class on interpersonal communication and the professor had just given us the assignment to keep track of all of the lies that we would tell over the next week in a "Lie Log" as a kind of experiment to show us each how dishonest we really were. I chuckled to myself and thought this won't be a problem at all. I pride myself in being an extremely honest person, even brutally honest at times. In the past I've even had people tell me that I had been too honest and that I needed to learn to keep some thoughts to myself.
Then the professor made an especially challenging comment: "...and if any of you just tell me that you didn't lie this week...well, then I'll know that you're lying!" He laughed at his own joke and dismissed the class.
Suddenly my emotions changed. Instead of the feeling of pride in myself and my ability to always be truthful, I was worried about how many lies I might tell in the upcoming week. Obviously he must have never had a completely honest student before in his 30+ years of teaching or he wouldn't have said that last comment, I thought. Maybe he's just always psyched out his students and subconsciously pushed them into fabricating lies to report on. Well, that would be ironic...
As I went about living my life for the week that followed, the outcome of the experiment was most certainly skewed because of my own heightened awareness of always trying to be honest, but I was nevertheless quite surprised at the results.
My first realization was at work. I discovered that every time someone asked me how I was doing, I said "I'm doing good! You?" with a smile regardless of how I was truly feeling. Everyone does this, it would be silly to think that the question of "how are you doing" extends beyond a greeting that can be used synonymously with the word "hello," but beyond the untruths I exchanged in simple formalities, this was a big deal to me.
I was not the transparent person that I thought I was. I began to reflect on this and I was surprised at the kind of lies that I had been habitually creating, and some that I'd been carrying with me for a while. Did I ever stretch the truth to make my life sound more glamorous or prestigious than it really was? Didn't I have some things to clear up with a particular friend? Didn't I have some relationships that I'd been holding onto that weren't healthy or that I knew weren't going anywhere? Hadn't I been parking at my apartment complex without paying? Was I completely honest with that girl when I told her why I couldn't go on that date or to my friends when they asked what my plans were that evening?
My first realization was at work. I discovered that every time someone asked me how I was doing, I said "I'm doing good! You?" with a smile regardless of how I was truly feeling. Everyone does this, it would be silly to think that the question of "how are you doing" extends beyond a greeting that can be used synonymously with the word "hello," but beyond the untruths I exchanged in simple formalities, this was a big deal to me.
I was not the transparent person that I thought I was. I began to reflect on this and I was surprised at the kind of lies that I had been habitually creating, and some that I'd been carrying with me for a while. Did I ever stretch the truth to make my life sound more glamorous or prestigious than it really was? Didn't I have some things to clear up with a particular friend? Didn't I have some relationships that I'd been holding onto that weren't healthy or that I knew weren't going anywhere? Hadn't I been parking at my apartment complex without paying? Was I completely honest with that girl when I told her why I couldn't go on that date or to my friends when they asked what my plans were that evening?
The best quote that I could find on the subject was from a wise man named Gordon Hinckley who simply stated that "Some may regard the quality of character known as honesty to be a most ordinary subject. But I believe it to be the very essence of [our progression]. Without honesty, our lives and the fabric of our society will disintegrate into ugliness and chaos."
Then I thought of something even more important: Am I honest with myself?
Many times in my adult life I've given my dad an update about how things are going and what my future goals and plans are. On one such occasion, I told him that I was confused that I felt unhappy even though I was trying to be completely honest with everyone around me, living as an open book. He responded with a question that has stuck with me forever: "yes, but are you being completely honest with yourself?" I immediately became defensive and told him that of course I was! I was practically transparent!
Then I got to thinking about it: didn't I say negative things about myself in my head and to others frequently? Didn't I procrastinate and put off the most important things and not always use my time as productively as possible? Didn't I frequently tell myself that I was entitled to and deserved just one more unhealthy item of food, spending more money on just one more thing that I really didn't need, just one more hour of Netflix on the couch, just one more late night or just one more day of sleeping in?
I realized that I was afraid of alone time. I wasn't comfortable with myself. I was so afraid of what others thought of me and trying to maintain a reputation, an outward appearance, that I didn't even give myself enough time to focus on whether I was truly happy with myself.
I came to the understanding that even more important than honesty to others is honesty to oneself, and that if you do the latter than the former will follow. I don't think that my professor knew what he was starting, but over the past few months I've committed myself to living a life of complete honesty where I find confidence in myself, with others, and with God, or whatever higher power you may ascribe to.
Now forgive me as this turns a bit sentimental, but think to yourself what the world would be like if everyone was completely honest with others and themselves? Obviously the only person that we each have control over in this pursuit is ourselves, but that's exactly what I'm proposing and committing myself to. The documentation of this journey will be recorded here, and maybe some of you will feel so inclined to join me and tell me of your own experiences in living a life of transparency.
